A Change In Purpose

It's just one of those days.You know the ones...where you find yourself questioning everything you do.I find myself today questioning my blogging experience.I still haven't told anyone I know that I do this,not even my girlfriend.If I tell them they might feel some urge to "support" me and read it.I don't write anything controversial,so that's not a worry.I swear a lot,which can be jarring if you're not expecting it,but I do that in my normal life anyway.Most of my posts are purposely bland to discourage comments by the few people who do pass through here.I'm making every effort to keep this as low profile as possible.It's MY thing.

But yet I added a visitor counter about a month ago.And just earlier today I found myself playing with this Technorati widget which is cluttering up the bottom of the page .All I wanted was the "linked to" listing,but it keeps adding this other shit too...So fuck it.I'll put the whole mess on the bottom of the page where it's not as much of an eyesore.I have also found myself leaving comments on other blogs more frequently.I'm slowly getting over my fear of linking to other blogs.(With one or two exceptions, I usually only link to myself or bigger sites that won't notice that I linked them.)

I have to admit it.The thought that anyone at all reads this is fascinating to me.I love looking at my stats page.Most people seem to just stumble upon this site and don't stay too long.A few people do linger,which means that they're reading things.A handful of people have even come back.It's kinda cool.And with all of this I find that for someone who claims to want to be left alone,I really am interested in who visits me.

I am very insulated in my personal life too.I spend time with my girlfriend...and that's it really.Some of my isolation is voluntary.I do have friends,but I don't spend much time with them.And I'm surprisingly OK with that.Call me detached,but I don't really miss them.They can count on me if they need me, but I don't feel the need to talk on the phone or hang out as often,if at all.My phone isn't exactly ringing off the hook with people wondering where I am, so I guess they're OK with this arrangement too.

But with this blog, I'm not sure where I want to go.It's primary purpose is as a pressure release valve for my brain.It's more therapy than entertaining.But I often find myself writing like I'm addressing an audience.And I usually add my URL when leaving a comment somewhere.It gets me thinking that maybe I do want people to read this.Maybe I even want to see some comments.I need to get over my fear of people on the internet though.I'm pretty good when dealing with physical pain.I enjoy it in a way.I have very thin skin though.Mental pain,like personal attacks and other such garbage, will stop me cold.I just want to crawl in a hole when the mudslinging starts.And if there's one thing people on the internet are good at dishing out,it's mental pain.That's my hang up right now and holy shit I can't believe I'm actually going to post this kind of personal information.Wow.Anyways...

So here's where I'm at:I think I might start trying to drum up some traffic.I'd kind of like to know where some people's heads are at.This blog will continue to be about whatever I feel like,but comic books will be my default topic if I can't come up with anything else.I'm even going to start linking to people who might actually realize that I'm doing it.I'm going to try to leave more comments.I need to toughen myself up against the harsh,harsh internet world.This whole "thin skin" thing sucks.It holds you back.I've been feeling quite confident recently, so now is as good a time as any to push myself forward.I have always liked to write.I like writing for an audience.Here's my chance.It's time to go for it. So it's time to take a deep breath and dive in...