Monkey See...

I have a lot of free time at work.Usually,I just surf the internet and read about comics.I noticed a lot of people making top ten lists of their favorite characters.So I'm going to be a good lemming and make my own.I haven't read enough DC to do a top ten for them,so here's my Marvel top ten.

10.Machine Man:I never gave him a second thought as a kid.The character seemed uninspired and boring.But how can anyone not love the smug,condescending,fleshy-hating, alcoholic robot he became in Nextwave and Ms. Marvel?I wouldn't want a whole comic with just him,but give him someone to work off of and he's a goldmine.

9.Ms. Marvel:This is another character who didn't even get a glance when I was a kid.I think Ms. Marvel is one of the more believable characters in the Marvel Universe.She's flawed and a bit of an asshole,but still manages to be likeable.She doesn't take any shit and is always willing to put herself in danger for the greater good.I find I genuinely want her to overcome her personal issues and have a better life.

8.The Hulk:I love powerhouse characters and the Hulk is the best of them.He can be written as a mindless bezerker.He can be written as intelligent.He can create total destruction anywhere he goes which can lead to some very fun stories.I prefer him when he's against the world.Gladiator Hulk didn't click with me.I've been loving WWH because it's just pure mindless violent fun.

7.Wolverine:Wolverine just works everywhere.He can do action.He can do dark comedy.He can do a mindfuck-type of story.He can even do romance.And I like a hero who's not afraid to shed a little(or a lot) of blood.There's a reason Wolverine is everywhere nowadays.He's cool.

6.Black Panther:I like the whole idea that Wakanda is the one country in Africa that hasn't been left devastated by European colonization and has thus been allowed to flourish.Black Panther is a wild card in any situation.Not having powers doesn't hold him back from taking on any and all opponents.His marriage to Storm just puts another awesome,powerful charcater in his book.If only they'd let her do more.

5.GLA/GLI/GLX:I could just pick one representative from the GLI,but this is my list and I want the whole damn team here.I grab every appearance of the GLI I can find.Misassembled had me laughing from cover to cover.They're losers and they know it.I would love an ongoing series from them,but the yearly one-shots scratch the right itch.

4.Captain America:Technically,he's the reason I got back into comics.When I saw how much ass he kicked in Civil War and his own comic in the Winter Soldier arc I knew I just had to keep reading.He's an inspiring character in that he always does what's right and isn't afraid to go against the system to do what's right.That said,I hope his death is permanent or at least long -lasting.Bringing him back too soon would lessen it's impact.He can still be part of out-of-continuity stories for my Captain America fix.

3.She-Hulk:Shulkie has a little of everything that I tend to like in comic book characters.She's a powerhouse.She's versitile in the types of stories you can put her in.She has a sense of humor.I even like her alter ego,Jen Walters.She's more three-dimensional than her cousin,which is why I like her better.Her sense of humor and the contrast between her two personalities is why she's so high on my list.

2.Spider-Man:I lived,ate, and breathed Spidey when I was younger.If there was no Spider-Man I never would have picked up a comic ever.The only thing I like better than a powerhouse is a character with a sense of humor.He's a character with a real life.He's the nerd with the beautiful wife.I prefer wise-cracking Spider-Man over grief-stricken Spider-Man.I don't get worked up that his book now is so grim.There's plenty of stories to read with the Spidey I love.

1.Deadpool:I knew Deadpool was special when I read him for the first time during his book's Civil War tie-ins.He's my favorite for the same reason Homer is my favorite character on The Simpsons:He's infinetely entertaining.No one,not even Spider-man,has more hilarious quoteable lines.(Note to self:Do one post of best Deadpool quotes.)The whole breaking-the-fourth-wall thing is a much-appreciated bit of parody.Deadpool is also an incredible fighter and is even giddy at the thought of getting some blood on his hands.He adds a whole new level of fun when my girlfriend makes me watch The Golden Girls.And I'll never look at Duct Tape the same way.He's great on his own and even better with a partner playing the straight man.I'm trying to piece together the whole run of his first series.I already cleared out Midtown comics.Please Marvel do not let him fade into obscurity.He's already great,but still has SO much potential.

Random Thoughts...

I really don't know what to write about today,so I'm going to just hit a few quick points.

1)Labor Day.Normally,today is the day I go to my LCS and pick up my weekly comics.I always go the morning after delivery day since I work afternoons/nights.Federal holidays always throw the delivery schedule off by a day.Now I have to wait until Friday.Fucking Labor Day.Worthless fucking holiday delaying my comics.I didn't even get the day off on Monday.WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO READ DURING LUNCH TODAY?

2)Viva Viagra!!!(And asswipe baby boomers)I am so sick of this commercial.If you haven't seen it,it features about 10 middle-aged men jamming together to Elvis' song Viva Las Vegas,except substituting Viagra for Las Vegas.Leave it to aging baby boomers to turn impotence into erectile dysfunction.And now it's E.D!!!!I have news for you...YOU'RE IMPOTENT!!!And you're not "active adults".I can't believe "senior citizen" was too harsh for them.George Carlin would be turning over in his grave if he was dead.As it is,he's probably in the bathroom,calling forth a technicolor yawn over the whole thing.

3)Venom.Two really angry points in a row?Gotta relax.Let's take a deep breath.....Ok.Let's go on.

4)The Republican Debate.Before I say anything,I'm not a political person.I don't make a habit of commenting on politics as I don't really know what I'm talking about.Now,do you know what I saw when I watched the Republican debate last night?A delegation of the rich-old-white-guys-who-don't-give-a-fuck-about-anyone-other-than-themselves-and-other-rich-white-guys club.Do these guys actually answer questions or do they just tap dance around the questions to squeeze in sound bites and to shit on their potential opponents?Democrats are no better.I'm going to register to vote next year for the first time.It's too early to know who I might vote for.My views don't line up along any party line.When I look at the candidates on either side though I think to myself"I'm going to register for nothing because I'm not going to vote because I hate all of these backstabbing yahoos."None of these interchangable talking heads is going to make my life better.

5)Nintendo DS.How can something so small bring so much happiness?I swear I'd hang myself at the laundromat if I didn't have it.I do most of my gaming in 10 or 15 minutes bursts.The DS has a lot of games that fit me perfectly.And they're cheap(for video games.)I won't buy a "next-gen" console because I can't justify the money spent on time I'd spend playing it.I can't sit in front of a TV for that long anymore.I lose interest.

6)Kittens.Still cute.I have one that's about 4 1/2 months old. That's her up top.She has a stuffed squirrel she likes to carry around in her mouth.It's so funny to watch.Only a heartless bastard doesn't like kittens.

That's enough rambling.I grow bored.

Girlfriends and Comics:Peanut Butter and Chocolate They Are Not

My girlfriend and I started going out a little over 6 years ago.We clicked well right from the start.In our time together we have picked up some of each others interests.She got me watching Law and Order(Believe it or not,up until about a year ago,I had never seen even one episode.).She got me to take piano lessons,which I'm quite happy about since I'm FINALLY learning to play a musical instrument.She also got me into classical music.I've always appreciated classical music, but now I'll actually voluntarily put it on.On my end, I've gotten her into Star Trek:TNG(Sorry, but I think the first series is corny as hell.) and turned her into a full-fledged video game geek,with a concentration in RPG's.

The video game thing came as a bit of a surprise and happened early on in our relationship.I wasn't reading comics back then.(I had kept some of my Spider-Man comics from the 80's and had a graphic novel or two,but it was far from a hobby.)Her nerd-fu is quite strong.She has beaten games two times that I couldn't get halfway through.My male ego could be damaged, instead I think it's totally cool that my girlfriend can beat Halo.

About two years ago I started getting back into comics.After dabbling for a month or two,Civil War got my interest up enough to start buying monthlies.Before I knew it,I was a weekly reader.With her strong nerdish leanings, I thought that she might like to get into comics too.

I didn't look at any "Comics for Girls" articles as I find those to be insulting.I just asked her about comics.She said she might read them if I could find one that didn't feature women with a size 3 figure and DD boobs.Okay.I had my parameters and went to work.

Now I didn't go out of my way looking for comics for her.Instead,I bought what I liked and 'if I found something I thought she might like, I brought it up to her.Strangely enough,everything I found was from Vertigo.

First,I found Pride Of Baghdad.This is,if you don't already know, a based-on-a-true-story graphic novel about a pride of lions that escaped from a Baghdad zoo during a US bombing raid.It had everything:a gripping story,interesting characters,beautiful art and,best of all, no huge boobs.She said"Wow.That's cool.",but never even picked it up to look at the cover.

Next was Y:The Last Man.I love this book.The last trade can't come soon enough.Anyway,I presented it to her and got the same reaction:zero interest.Maybe after the movie comes out(provided it's actually good)she might give this a try.

Then I started reading Fables.I'll probably do a whole post on Fables in the future(best.comic.ever).I told her about this and...gasp...managed to get her interest.I explained the concept and told her some of the characters and hooked her at Rose Red.Or so I thought.She shows a little bit of interest in this,but mostly will just look over my shoulder and read a page.She won't pick it up and read it on her own though.If she does,she doesn't do it in front of me.

I've since given up.I figure if she really wants to give comics a chance then she'll do so on her own.I really think she'd like them if she gave them a chance.I show her a few pages here and there,especially if it's something funny.She liked the Franklin Richards strips and Machine Man's insurance agent meltdown from Nextwave.She really liked the A Is For Annihlus rhyming story from last year's Marvel Holiday Special.She liked it enough to start reading another story and got about 2 pages into the Fin Fang Foom story before putting it down.

I think it would be great fun if she started reading comics.We could go the stores and conventions together.We could both look for cool new stuff to try out.She even works at a book store(Barnes & Noble) and can get employee discounts on graphic novels.(You had better believe that I've taken advantage of that perk.)It's just not to be.I can't force her to read comics nor would I want to.It's not a matter of wanting her to like everything I like.I genuinely feel she would find much enjoyment in this hobby if she gave it a chance.Until that day comes, she doesn't know what she's missing.

A Little About Pro Wrestling

Professional wrestling has been in the news a lot recently.The news hasn't been good at all.The Chris Benoit tragedy has brought wrestling's dark side to the media's attention.Most people delivering or hearing the news know very little of the business.My purpose here is not to tell everything,but to dispel a few myths and maybe get someone to look at wrestling a different way.


I have been involved with independent wrestling as a manager for about 4 1/2 years now.I'm nobody known.You'd have trouble finding info about me even on the internet as I work in only one place and don't promote myself in the least.I'm just another face in an overcrowded scene,but I am there.Enough of my resume,on to the questions!


1)Pro wrestling is fake.Say this with a lot of venom in your voice,like pro wrestling just killed your puppy.So much anger on this point...People say this like it caused them to lose their house.So...is it fake?Yes and no.It is in that the outcomes are known and no one's trying to hurt each other(usually).It isn't because, well, you can't fake gravity and a lot of blows are delivered full force.You're just supposed to suck it up.If you can't take it you can go home.Seriously though,in this day and age, no one's trying to tell you it's genuine competition.Calling wrestling out as fake is like calling Lord Of The Rings out for being fake.You're not stunning anyone with your revelation.


Wrestling has more in common with theater than sports.Everything is performed in front of an audience in one take.There's a plot.There's costumes.There are characters, a protagonist and an antagonist.You need to exaggerate your every move so people sitting in the back rows know what's going on.You need to be aware of the crowd and sometimes even of cameras.You need to know when to work them and when to lay off.It may not be Shakespeare,but it is a performance.

You have to suspend disbelief when you watch wrestling just like you do when you watch a kung fu flick.Those guys aren't trying to kill each other either.There's more disclosure now,which I think is good.Shielding the business,commonly referred to as kayfabe,keeps an air of mystery but also leads to all the ridiculous theories about wrestling which bother me to no end.But there are still things no one is going to talk about.I won't talk about them either.


2)The wrestling ring is like a trampoline/mattress.It doesn't hurt at all.You're right about this too.It is like a trampoline,provided you remove the net and replace it with 3" thick planks of wood and a thin gym mat.Even doing basic moves you will get banged up and bruised.Try falling from eight feet in the air on your back twenty times and tell me how you feel.The ropes can be painful too.The first few times I hit the ropes I came home with HUGE bruises all over my back and ass.You get better and build up a tolerance to the pain after a while though.And this all comes assuming you're actually using a real wrestling ring,which is designed to give a little to help break your fall.Some people have to wrestle in a boxing ring,which has slightly more give than the floor under your feet.


3)All pro wrestlers are huge steroid monsters.This depends on what you're watching.In general,pro wrestlers should be huge.They should look like they could pick anyone from a crowd and kick their ass.If you're watching WWE,which is considered the "big leagues", you're going to see a lot of fit bodies.It helps absorb some of the beating you take too.If you're watching the indies, you're going to see all body types.You have a lot of muscular physiques, but also a lot of fat ass stomachs and rib cages.In the world of indies, I could be a wrestler.I'm 5'10" and 160 lbs.As much as I love the physical side of wrestling, I stay a manager because I don't think I'd make a credible wrestler.I'm skinny,pale, and not muscular.Unfortunately,that doesn't stop a lot of people from getting in the ring who are my size.They are going to get decimated and will only go so far because they lack the size to go to the next level.It just looks bad to have two 140 pounders trying to pass thamselves off as bad asses.


4)Drugs are rampant in wrestling.I don't get into this aspect of the business,but it is there.Some guys are quite vocal about doing painkillers.Most keep it quiet.Steroids are never mentioned.I'm sure some guys use them,but they don't brag about it.The reason for the drugs I can understand.Steroids make you bigger.Bigger guys have a better chance of making it than smaller guys.As for painkillers...think about it.Your knees,back, and neck take a LOT of punishment in wrestling.I'm only a manager,which means I don't get hit one quarter as much as the other guys, and even I have some recurring pains.Wrestlers will work with injuries that would take people out of desk jobs.They have to if they want to keep their "spot".You have thousands upon thousands of guys competing for about the 100 or so places the WWE has to potentially fill.If you take a year off to nurse a sore neck back to health, you most likely will have to start from the bottom again when you come back.So if you get hurt or are in pain, you either suck it up and go on or you take care of yourself properly at the risk of your career.Personally, when I get hurt,I just live with the pain.I won't take any painkillers.I don't want to get hooked or damage my heart.By now you've seen the death statistics for wrestlers.So many guys dying young.It's scary.

Overall,it's great fun.Working with the crowd and trying to get them to react is fun.Getting to work with people you've watched on TV since you were a little kid is awesome.Hell, it's even fun getting hit and beaten up because people are being entertained(ideally).Everybody doing this is trying to live a dream.How many people actually chase their dreams?It's admirable.It's what separates them from the millions who are content to just sit at home and watch it on TV.

Food/A life with no cheese

One thing that I've learned over the years is that I love to cook.And I'm getting pretty good at it too.I've had my "accidents" in the kitchen(even recently),but those only gave me more ideas as to what not to do.

I like it to the point where I think once I pay off my credit card debt(2 paid off,1 to go.)I might go to a cooking school.The only problem I see is that most cooking jobs seem to be high pressure and I do not want another high pressure job EVER.And why would I waste money on school if I'm not going to use it?I'll need to do more research.

Anyway,yesterday I made my first attempt at lasagna and I knocked it out of the park.It's more satsifying for me because I did it without using dairy.My girlfriend is lactose-intolerant so everything I make I have to find substitutes for any dairy products.Substitue ricotta cheese was surprisingly easy, as it was just 2 packages of tofu mixed with seasonings.(I'm not reprinting the recipe here.Go to recipezaar.com and look for recipe #165125.Sorry.I'd link the site, but I don't know how yet.)

A lot of people would turn their noses up at the notion of soy or veggie-based cheese instead of the real stuff,which is a shame.People can be amazingly close-minded when it comes to food.I have to say that it's not so bad.I can still eat real cheese when I want and the substitute stuff is surprisingly close.I guess it's a good thing most people don't have to use a substitute.If you do, I'm here to tell you not to worry.It's not "gross" and doesn't taste weird.I could slip it into a recipe and most of the time you wouldn't even know unless I told you.Actually, I don't know why I'm bothering to convince anyone.If a person really wants to hate tofu, they will no matter how it tastes.

There aren't many foods I don't like.There's eggs,coffee and that's about it.There are other things I choose not to eat, but will eat them if put in a spot where I have to, such as brussel sprouts(bland) and pancakes(Another breakfast food...I'm seeing a pattern.)And that's part of the reason why it's so frustrating trying to get people to even TRY new foods.I've had eggs and coffee.That's how I know I don't like them.If you've never eaten soy cheese or a veggie burger, then how do you know you'll hate it?No,it's not going to taste like a McDonald's hamburger.It's not supposed to.It's made of friggin' vegetables!!Now open your mind and your mouth and try it.

I do have one thing I will never try.Ever.And that's bugs.Every once in a while you see someone on TV cooking up some beetles or grasshoppers and throwing them in a salad or some other thing.They try to pass it off as legitimate food, saying they taste like nuts or chicken.I don't care if they taste like chocolate ice cream, I'm not eating a bug.And I'm lucky enough to live in a country that has enough food so I don't have to.I ate the worm from a tequila bottle once.Does that count as trying them?If it does, I have an excuse.If not...screw you.I'm still not eating bugs.