Yesterday, while looking through some message boards on Newsarama, I came across a thread about the strangest or oddest things people had seen.One person mentioned a video called "2 Girls 1 Cup".Apparently, this video is so horrific that there's a whole crop of videos on YouTube that just show people's reactions as they watch it.I was curious and googled it.(To see it you'll have to do the same thing.I AM NOT GOING TO LINK IT.)The description didn't give me much hope, but I watched it anyway.
Have you ever played the game where you say "For a million dollars would you..."and then you name an act you would never ever do under normal circumstances and see if the other person would do it for the money?Imagine if someone actually took you up on one of those scenarios, your most scatological one, and then took it even farther than you ever thought they would.Watching this video is like seeing the most heinous version of the joke "The Aristocrats" acted out in real life.
I can't even describe it.I didn't get sick or throw up, but if you have a weak constitution, don't watch.Don't watch this if you are eating, about to eat, or have just eaten.Don't watch this at work.The first two or three seconds will make you think that this is porn.This is not porn.I don't want to know if you have sexual thoughts when you watch it.
This is the video that would make baby Jesus cry.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Marvel Makes An Effort
Marvel Comics' recent efforts to promote their product through a subscriber-based online service has actually been getting some attention from the mainstream press.This attention, not to mention the service itself, can only be a good thing for comic book fans.
To say that comics are a niche hobby is a grand understatement.The best selling books are lucky to sell 200k copies.The 32-page monthly books can mainly only be found in specialty shops, which can be intimidating to visit for those new to the hobby.Bookstores carry trade paperbacks, graphic novels, and manga, but often without much of a selection and nearly always without an informed person to make recommendations for new fans or children.Putting the books on the internet, even without the ability to download, adds one very-accessible entry point for anyone interested.
This service could also potentially help with the other really big comic pitfall:the aging core readers.Comics have the unfortunate disctinction of being thought of as a "kids' hobby", in spite of the fact that an overwhelming majority of their readers are in their twenties and older.The problem is that many people read comics as a kid and eventually outgrow or move past them to other, more "mature", pasttimes.What is left are longtime readers and people who came back into the hobby after taking a bit of a break(I'm one of these.),both of whom are apparently unknown to the genral public.When these readers go, who will be left?Putting comics on the internet will allow kids more exposure to them, in a more comfortable environment(home), where parents are better able to monitor their kids and what they read.
This brings about the biggest obstacle an initative like this will face:non-comic reading parents. They are the ones who will ultimately pay for the service for their children.$4.99 or $9.99 per month for thousands of comics is certainly a better value for cost-conscious parents than $2.99 for a single issue.That makes one year's subscription($4.99 times 12 months)the same price as ONE X-box360 video game, three DVDs, and also less than a typical monthly cable bill.Perhaps they will also read a few issues themselves and won't be as hesitant to buy a monthly the next time.I would bet that a lot of parents or people who used to read comics twenty years ago would be surprised at how much things have changed regarding both the art and the writing.There is something there for fans of any genre of fiction. A good comic can be every bit as gripping as the best movie or book.
I really hope this takes and new fans come in.It probably won't be the savior of the industry, but it is a step in the right direction.I'd hate to see my favorite hobby die in ten years because the fan base got too old and drifted away.
To say that comics are a niche hobby is a grand understatement.The best selling books are lucky to sell 200k copies.The 32-page monthly books can mainly only be found in specialty shops, which can be intimidating to visit for those new to the hobby.Bookstores carry trade paperbacks, graphic novels, and manga, but often without much of a selection and nearly always without an informed person to make recommendations for new fans or children.Putting the books on the internet, even without the ability to download, adds one very-accessible entry point for anyone interested.
This service could also potentially help with the other really big comic pitfall:the aging core readers.Comics have the unfortunate disctinction of being thought of as a "kids' hobby", in spite of the fact that an overwhelming majority of their readers are in their twenties and older.The problem is that many people read comics as a kid and eventually outgrow or move past them to other, more "mature", pasttimes.What is left are longtime readers and people who came back into the hobby after taking a bit of a break(I'm one of these.),both of whom are apparently unknown to the genral public.When these readers go, who will be left?Putting comics on the internet will allow kids more exposure to them, in a more comfortable environment(home), where parents are better able to monitor their kids and what they read.
This brings about the biggest obstacle an initative like this will face:non-comic reading parents. They are the ones who will ultimately pay for the service for their children.$4.99 or $9.99 per month for thousands of comics is certainly a better value for cost-conscious parents than $2.99 for a single issue.That makes one year's subscription($4.99 times 12 months)the same price as ONE X-box360 video game, three DVDs, and also less than a typical monthly cable bill.Perhaps they will also read a few issues themselves and won't be as hesitant to buy a monthly the next time.I would bet that a lot of parents or people who used to read comics twenty years ago would be surprised at how much things have changed regarding both the art and the writing.There is something there for fans of any genre of fiction. A good comic can be every bit as gripping as the best movie or book.
I really hope this takes and new fans come in.It probably won't be the savior of the industry, but it is a step in the right direction.I'd hate to see my favorite hobby die in ten years because the fan base got too old and drifted away.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Oh no!Not The Holidays Again!
It's that time of year.The holidays are coming.Isn't it funny how stores seem to put their Xmas crap on display earlier and earlier?We can't even get through Halloween without fucking Santa hats and fake snow.I figure that maybe online sales are hurting brick-and-mortar stores so much that they are just trying to promote a Xmas-level shopping frenzy earlier and earlier to make up for it.An extra month of Santa Claus.An extra month of ear-stabbingly horrible Xmas carols.An extra month of trees and reindeer.Ugh.
In case it isn't glaringly obvious, I am not a fan of the holidays.I don't even want to celebrate my own birthday, why would I give half a fuck about Xmas?I don't, but the people around me do.Therefore, I reluctantly participate out of consideration.I don't want presents.If I want something, I'll buy it for myself. If I can't afford it then I can wait.I certainly don't want someone else spending it if I think it's too much.No one else needs to get involved in my very American consumer duty.You don't buy me anything.I don't buy you anything.It seems fair to me.All I want out of my holiday is the day off from work.And if I get extra pay for working a holiday even that is negotiable.
"But this is the one time of year when everyone is just a little nicer to each other.It's holiday spirit."Why can't we just be that polite all year round?Do you really need an excuse not to be an asshole?Holiday spirit is overrated.Eggnog is disgusting.That's why they only sell it once per year.Nobody would drink that shit on a daily basis.Xmas carols are the absolute WORST kind of music in all of human history.Another song about Santa and snow with chimes and bells in it?Make it stop. Please, make it stop.I wonder what group/singer will sell their soul this year and release a Xmas album?It should be Bruce Springsteen since his music all sounds like shitty Xmas music anyway.And I'm an athiest, so the religious aspect only merits an eye roll and a head shake from me.
My least favorite part of the holiday season is the "holiday party."I'm not a fan of parties.I avoid all larger-than-two-other-people social gatherings as a rule.I don't look at it as a free meal or a chance to interact with people outside of work.I look at it as being trapped in an environment that I have little control over.When you add a holiday theme that I dislike anyway, it just makes my desire to go shrink even more.If I did go, this would be my schedule:
4:30PM-I arrive at the holiday party.
4:35PM-After saying hello to a few people, I get on line for food.
4:45PM-I have my food and find the most remote, out-of-the-way corner of the building to eat my dinner.
4:55PM-I'm nearly finished with my plate.I realize that I could sneak out the door and no one would notice.
5:00PM-I leave through a side door without a word to anyone.
It's a waste of my time.I always feel a little bad about saying no, just because I don't want anyone to think that my decision is a reflection of my opinion of them.I have two this year to avoid, one for my job and another for my wrestling fed.The wrestling one I've blown off for the past two years since it started, so this year shouldn't come as too much of a shock to anyone.This is the first year I've worked in the building I work in now so I guess I'll have to see how persistant people are here.Last year, when I was in Central Jersey, no one so much as blinked when I didn't show up.I was also a technician and didn't know that many people in the building.All I can do is stay quiet and hope nobody brings it up.The only thing worse than being trapped at a party is having to give the same explanation about why you aren't going to twenty different people.I hate repeating myself like that.
Please let it be over quickly this year.
In case it isn't glaringly obvious, I am not a fan of the holidays.I don't even want to celebrate my own birthday, why would I give half a fuck about Xmas?I don't, but the people around me do.Therefore, I reluctantly participate out of consideration.I don't want presents.If I want something, I'll buy it for myself. If I can't afford it then I can wait.I certainly don't want someone else spending it if I think it's too much.No one else needs to get involved in my very American consumer duty.You don't buy me anything.I don't buy you anything.It seems fair to me.All I want out of my holiday is the day off from work.And if I get extra pay for working a holiday even that is negotiable.
"But this is the one time of year when everyone is just a little nicer to each other.It's holiday spirit."Why can't we just be that polite all year round?Do you really need an excuse not to be an asshole?Holiday spirit is overrated.Eggnog is disgusting.That's why they only sell it once per year.Nobody would drink that shit on a daily basis.Xmas carols are the absolute WORST kind of music in all of human history.Another song about Santa and snow with chimes and bells in it?Make it stop. Please, make it stop.I wonder what group/singer will sell their soul this year and release a Xmas album?It should be Bruce Springsteen since his music all sounds like shitty Xmas music anyway.And I'm an athiest, so the religious aspect only merits an eye roll and a head shake from me.
My least favorite part of the holiday season is the "holiday party."I'm not a fan of parties.I avoid all larger-than-two-other-people social gatherings as a rule.I don't look at it as a free meal or a chance to interact with people outside of work.I look at it as being trapped in an environment that I have little control over.When you add a holiday theme that I dislike anyway, it just makes my desire to go shrink even more.If I did go, this would be my schedule:
4:30PM-I arrive at the holiday party.
4:35PM-After saying hello to a few people, I get on line for food.
4:45PM-I have my food and find the most remote, out-of-the-way corner of the building to eat my dinner.
4:55PM-I'm nearly finished with my plate.I realize that I could sneak out the door and no one would notice.
5:00PM-I leave through a side door without a word to anyone.
It's a waste of my time.I always feel a little bad about saying no, just because I don't want anyone to think that my decision is a reflection of my opinion of them.I have two this year to avoid, one for my job and another for my wrestling fed.The wrestling one I've blown off for the past two years since it started, so this year shouldn't come as too much of a shock to anyone.This is the first year I've worked in the building I work in now so I guess I'll have to see how persistant people are here.Last year, when I was in Central Jersey, no one so much as blinked when I didn't show up.I was also a technician and didn't know that many people in the building.All I can do is stay quiet and hope nobody brings it up.The only thing worse than being trapped at a party is having to give the same explanation about why you aren't going to twenty different people.I hate repeating myself like that.
Please let it be over quickly this year.
Pointless Cat Photo/Nothing Better To Do
Once more, I'm stuck as to what to write, so here's a cute picture just for the sake of making a blog post.The one on the left is the oldest cat, a male.We don't really name our pets because the names never stick.They always end up as "Hey you" or "Kitty."The one on the right is the kitten, who gets bigger every day.This picture makes it look like she is making him smell her farts and he's covering up in self-defense. Or they could be sleeping.Whatever works for you.
The back of our couch is the most desired cat sleeping spot in the house.It never lacks at least one cat.They're all there as I type this.See?
OK.That's enough cat for one day.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Random Shit
As is becoming typical of me, I can't think of any topic long enough to make a full post about.So, in cases like this, I usually just hit briefly on some random trivia about myself.So, without further ado, here it comes.
1)I'm currently about 1/4 done with my Nextwave:Agents of H.A.T.E. #5 coloring project.I have many full panels done, but still no full pages.For some reason I just want to say how much sucky it looks so far.The problem is that I don't think it's going all that poorly.It's different, but still not too bad.
2)It turns out that my second wrestling match this month is a straight up match with no unusual stipulations.I'll take it.I haven't put it together yet but I plan on making it bigger than the TV match and a bit more brutal.There is also a chance I could be in a battle royal that night as well.That would be cool.I always have found battle royals to be easy matches because, unless you are in the final four guys, there's really nothing to memorize or plan.You just get beat up a bit and leave when you are ready.No muss, no fuss.
3)Somehow in the course of my getting into DC comics I became a Superman fan.I don't know how it happened.I'm only missing issue #2 of All-Star Superman.I bought Action Comics for the Bizarro arc and found that I'm still buying it.I also have a few Superman trades as well.I like Superman better when they focus more on his human tendencies and his desire to try to help everyone over the stories where he just steamrolls over people because he's friggin' invulnerable.I know the kryptonite deal, but I always thought it was kinda lame.He's better to me when his weakness is his compassion.It makes him easier to relate to.
4)The one DC character I like better than Superman is Black Canary, thanks to Gail Simone's rendition of her in Birds Of Prey. (I now have six TPB covering issues 56-103.)I also got her last miniseries on the last trip to my LCS.The two stories that did it for me were the Shiva Training story where she found Sin and the fight against the Silk Brothers in Singapore.Those fights are fucking brutal and made of 100% Grade-A awesome, especially the Silk Brothers fight.I don't understand how it is logically possible to not be a fan after reading that."IMPREGNABLE MOUNTAIN PEOPLE!"
5)Speaking of martial arts, I would like to recommend the movie "Shaolin Challenges Ninja".It is the tale of a Chinese man who marries a Japanese woman.Both are martial artists who think that the style of their own country is superior.They spar for supremacy and the husband(Toa), played by "Kill Bill"'s Gordon Liu, comes out the victor. The wife goes back to Japan to her Ninja buddies, who decide to go to China en masse to challenge Toa one at a time.What follows are some of the best fight scenes you could ever hope to see featuring some diverse styles.Drunken boxing, crab style, the three section staff, judo, ninjitsu, and many others make an appearance here.The story ends a bit abruptly, but none of the characters are made to look bad in it.Everyone gets a chance to shine.This is my favorite Shaw Brothers film and I can't speak highly enough of it.
6)Our kitten is driving us nuts with the very rough way that she plays with the other two cats.She is very physical and has already proven herself to be the better of the older male cat.She takes him down the same way a lioness takes down a gazelle and he doesn't like it at all.The older female( who weighs about 20 pounds) puts up a bit more of a fight, but seems to be a little nervous.The other day she took a dive off of a table onto the kitten in what I can only describe as a body splash.It was fucking hilarious.If this were a cartoon, the kitten would have been smooshed to the thickness of a piece of paper.I guess the entertainment value that comes from how creative their battles become makes up for the headaches.Fucking cats...
1)I'm currently about 1/4 done with my Nextwave:Agents of H.A.T.E. #5 coloring project.I have many full panels done, but still no full pages.For some reason I just want to say how much sucky it looks so far.The problem is that I don't think it's going all that poorly.It's different, but still not too bad.
2)It turns out that my second wrestling match this month is a straight up match with no unusual stipulations.I'll take it.I haven't put it together yet but I plan on making it bigger than the TV match and a bit more brutal.There is also a chance I could be in a battle royal that night as well.That would be cool.I always have found battle royals to be easy matches because, unless you are in the final four guys, there's really nothing to memorize or plan.You just get beat up a bit and leave when you are ready.No muss, no fuss.
3)Somehow in the course of my getting into DC comics I became a Superman fan.I don't know how it happened.I'm only missing issue #2 of All-Star Superman.I bought Action Comics for the Bizarro arc and found that I'm still buying it.I also have a few Superman trades as well.I like Superman better when they focus more on his human tendencies and his desire to try to help everyone over the stories where he just steamrolls over people because he's friggin' invulnerable.I know the kryptonite deal, but I always thought it was kinda lame.He's better to me when his weakness is his compassion.It makes him easier to relate to.
4)The one DC character I like better than Superman is Black Canary, thanks to Gail Simone's rendition of her in Birds Of Prey. (I now have six TPB covering issues 56-103.)I also got her last miniseries on the last trip to my LCS.The two stories that did it for me were the Shiva Training story where she found Sin and the fight against the Silk Brothers in Singapore.Those fights are fucking brutal and made of 100% Grade-A awesome, especially the Silk Brothers fight.I don't understand how it is logically possible to not be a fan after reading that."IMPREGNABLE MOUNTAIN PEOPLE!"
5)Speaking of martial arts, I would like to recommend the movie "Shaolin Challenges Ninja".It is the tale of a Chinese man who marries a Japanese woman.Both are martial artists who think that the style of their own country is superior.They spar for supremacy and the husband(Toa), played by "Kill Bill"'s Gordon Liu, comes out the victor. The wife goes back to Japan to her Ninja buddies, who decide to go to China en masse to challenge Toa one at a time.What follows are some of the best fight scenes you could ever hope to see featuring some diverse styles.Drunken boxing, crab style, the three section staff, judo, ninjitsu, and many others make an appearance here.The story ends a bit abruptly, but none of the characters are made to look bad in it.Everyone gets a chance to shine.This is my favorite Shaw Brothers film and I can't speak highly enough of it.
6)Our kitten is driving us nuts with the very rough way that she plays with the other two cats.She is very physical and has already proven herself to be the better of the older male cat.She takes him down the same way a lioness takes down a gazelle and he doesn't like it at all.The older female( who weighs about 20 pounds) puts up a bit more of a fight, but seems to be a little nervous.The other day she took a dive off of a table onto the kitten in what I can only describe as a body splash.It was fucking hilarious.If this were a cartoon, the kitten would have been smooshed to the thickness of a piece of paper.I guess the entertainment value that comes from how creative their battles become makes up for the headaches.Fucking cats...
Thursday, November 8, 2007
A Totally Unfounded,Far Fetched Conspiracy Theory
(DISCLAIMER :The following is a work of fiction.This blog post is filled with wild and unprovable statements.I have put absolutely no research into any of my "facts."My theory has more holes than a donut factory.Yet somehow this doesn't seem soooo out of the realm of possibility for me.)
Every year you hear more and more about flu shots.Everybody needs a flu shot.Flu's gonna be bad this year.You really need a flu shot.The flu is portrayed in the media like it's some black plague and only by being injected with this medicinal miracle drug can you ever hope to deal with it.
The problem is that the flu shots are always in short supply.People are even going to Canada because they're so concerned.With medical science knowing full well when flu season is, you would think that they would be able to meet demand.It must be really tough to produce.I think the problem lies elsewhere.
We all know that the government controls the media and are in league with the medicine companies.We also know that our privacy and civil liberties are slowly being stripped from us, one by one.Programs like Google Earth make it possible for anyone with a computer and a decent online connection to get a satellite pic zoomed in on your neighbors driveway, close enough to make out the color of the cars.There are security cameras everywhere.Someone is watching you at all times.Even right now.Any lengths will be taken, by the government, to ensure that you are on their radar at all times.
Flu shots are part of the process.The reason they're so scarce is because every flu shot includes a microscopic chip that will enable our keepers to monitor us through their worldwide security system.All of the "security" items you see at stores?They're really there to detect your chip.Cameras at traffic lights?Oh yes. They know you've been there.The automatic sensors in public bathrooms that turn the water on and off so you don't have to touch the faucets?You're nailed, buddy.Metal detectors?Also chip detectors.Your cell phone?Now you're just broadcasting it.(Besides, your cell phones are being used to track you too.If they can put an MP3 player, a video camera, a datebook, and videogames in a phone then they can get a microtransmitter in there.If somebody took your cell phone apart, could you identify all of the individual pieces?I don't think so.But they don't advertise that feature at the booths in the mall.)It's why everything electronic has a digital display now.The extra circuitry is there to mask the tracking chip.There are chip detecting devices in every remote controlled televison so they know exactly what YOU personally are watching.I could go on but, as you see, there is no escape.
The people who own these devices don't even have to know that the chip technology is in there.All of the parts, along with the chips, are made in overseas factories.That way they are far,far out of sight and mind from all of us being chipped and controlled. Besides, they can't tell the retailers and vendors. They're being chipped too.
At this point you might be thinking "What about when you get a yearly flu shot?Does that mean you have that many chips in your body?"No.Every year the chip is upgraded for more functionality and one function is always to deactivate the old chip, which is then safely and discretely ejected in your urine.
And don't bother going to Canada to escape.They're in on it too.Canada has actually been a part of the United States since WWII but our government keeps it a secret because the usually friendly American-Canadian rivalry is good for morale on both sides.They get their representation through secret meetings with select members of the government cleverly referred to as "trade meetings".I know most people think that Canada is part of the British Commonwealth, but that is obviously a front.Great Britain just gets a cut from the flu shot profits to keep quiet.That's why our two countries get along as well as we do.
Why does it matter that the government controls the media?Because they can have every news outlet in the country run reports encouraging us to get the flu shot.You can't say that the media isn't adept at using scare tactics.Things like the internet and 24 hour news channels just make their job that much easier. Spread the word and you spread the fear.
Is this outside the realm of possibility?Or is it just stupid enough that it might be true?I don't know about you, but I'm not getting a flu shot.I never have in the past.I've had the flu once.I worked the entire time.It slowed me down, but didn't stop me. It's all hype.Don't believe it. Don't let yourself get "chipped."
Every year you hear more and more about flu shots.Everybody needs a flu shot.Flu's gonna be bad this year.You really need a flu shot.The flu is portrayed in the media like it's some black plague and only by being injected with this medicinal miracle drug can you ever hope to deal with it.
The problem is that the flu shots are always in short supply.People are even going to Canada because they're so concerned.With medical science knowing full well when flu season is, you would think that they would be able to meet demand.It must be really tough to produce.I think the problem lies elsewhere.
We all know that the government controls the media and are in league with the medicine companies.We also know that our privacy and civil liberties are slowly being stripped from us, one by one.Programs like Google Earth make it possible for anyone with a computer and a decent online connection to get a satellite pic zoomed in on your neighbors driveway, close enough to make out the color of the cars.There are security cameras everywhere.Someone is watching you at all times.Even right now.Any lengths will be taken, by the government, to ensure that you are on their radar at all times.
Flu shots are part of the process.The reason they're so scarce is because every flu shot includes a microscopic chip that will enable our keepers to monitor us through their worldwide security system.All of the "security" items you see at stores?They're really there to detect your chip.Cameras at traffic lights?Oh yes. They know you've been there.The automatic sensors in public bathrooms that turn the water on and off so you don't have to touch the faucets?You're nailed, buddy.Metal detectors?Also chip detectors.Your cell phone?Now you're just broadcasting it.(Besides, your cell phones are being used to track you too.If they can put an MP3 player, a video camera, a datebook, and videogames in a phone then they can get a microtransmitter in there.If somebody took your cell phone apart, could you identify all of the individual pieces?I don't think so.But they don't advertise that feature at the booths in the mall.)It's why everything electronic has a digital display now.The extra circuitry is there to mask the tracking chip.There are chip detecting devices in every remote controlled televison so they know exactly what YOU personally are watching.I could go on but, as you see, there is no escape.
The people who own these devices don't even have to know that the chip technology is in there.All of the parts, along with the chips, are made in overseas factories.That way they are far,far out of sight and mind from all of us being chipped and controlled. Besides, they can't tell the retailers and vendors. They're being chipped too.
At this point you might be thinking "What about when you get a yearly flu shot?Does that mean you have that many chips in your body?"No.Every year the chip is upgraded for more functionality and one function is always to deactivate the old chip, which is then safely and discretely ejected in your urine.
And don't bother going to Canada to escape.They're in on it too.Canada has actually been a part of the United States since WWII but our government keeps it a secret because the usually friendly American-Canadian rivalry is good for morale on both sides.They get their representation through secret meetings with select members of the government cleverly referred to as "trade meetings".I know most people think that Canada is part of the British Commonwealth, but that is obviously a front.Great Britain just gets a cut from the flu shot profits to keep quiet.That's why our two countries get along as well as we do.
Why does it matter that the government controls the media?Because they can have every news outlet in the country run reports encouraging us to get the flu shot.You can't say that the media isn't adept at using scare tactics.Things like the internet and 24 hour news channels just make their job that much easier. Spread the word and you spread the fear.
Is this outside the realm of possibility?Or is it just stupid enough that it might be true?I don't know about you, but I'm not getting a flu shot.I never have in the past.I've had the flu once.I worked the entire time.It slowed me down, but didn't stop me. It's all hype.Don't believe it. Don't let yourself get "chipped."
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Witold ‘Vitek’ Kieltyka (1984-2007)
Vitek was the drummer for the metal band Decapitated.He was killed in an automobile accident in Russia involving the band's tour bus.He was 23 years old.
This is a sad day for music.
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