This weekend, the indy wrestling group I work for is having their annual awards/Hall Of Fame dinner.The dinner is in it's third year.This is also the third year that I plan on not attending.So now you're saying "Who cares?If you're not going why bring it up?"To that, I have two things to say:
1)It's my blog.I choose the topics.
2)This year is different.
I actually thought about going this year.I've been trying to be a little more social.I even decided to go to my job's holiday party next week after swearing to myself all year that I wouldn't go.I figure if I show my face at a social event it might cause less people to be afraid of me.Everywhere I've ever gone, there have been people who have been afraid to speak to me.From what I've gathered, it usually has something to do with the fact that I'm so quiet.People who have admitted this to me have told me that they thought that if they spoke to me that I'd ignore them or be angry with them.Sigh...I'm quiet.I'm shy.I'm awkward around new people, and even around people I know sometimes.I'm the last person anyone needs to be afraid of.If you ever meet me and want to talk to me, then just do it.I'll do the best I can to hold a conversation.If I fidget or get silent, it's because I'm drawing a blank regarding what to say next.That's all.I'm not trying to ditch you or express any dissatisfaction over having to talk to you.Quiet, shy, awkward.Remember those three things if you ever get to talk to me.But back to my topic...
So I was considering going to the awards dinner, even if I was leaning heavily towards not going.At least I considered it, right?That's more thought than I put into it before.Then I went to practice last week.The trainer/promoter told me that I was the top vote-getter for "manager of the year" as of that moment.That was what made my mind up for me.Truth be told, I don't want any awards.I got into wrestling for my own satisfaction.My reward has always been the fact that I got to participate and see how everything is put together.Chasing awards is petty and vain, or at least for me it is.
If I really do win this, I would have had to get up and make an acceptance speech in front of everybody in attendance(as opposed to making it in the bathroom to noone but myself and a mirror).I plan on forfeiting the award if I win it.A forfeit speech probably would not go over too well, you know?"Thanks, but no thanks.I think this award is silly and unneccessary."It would be honest but a little harsh.And I won't play along and pretend to be happy.That would be out-and-out lying.
Of course the possibility exists that the voting changed things over the course of the week and I won't win.That would make this whole post completely worthless.I'd rather that happen.Let someone who appreciates it win the award.I can live with having a self-important moment over nothing here.
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