1)Anything goes, including any powers that the characters would have.
2)Anybody or anything, fictional or real is eligible.
3)There is no such thing as too silly a matchup.
4)I haven't figured out how to determine who wins yet.That's not really a rule.I'm just saying...
The inaugural fight is between two underappreciated advertising icons.
IN THE RED CORNER:
NAME:Grimace
STRENGTHS:Size Advantage
Unusual body shape and stubby limbs make grappling impossible
No external genitalia to be exploited
WEAKNESSES:Unusual body shape and stubby limbs make grappling or punching or kicking impossible
Soft and doughy.Probably can't take a punch for shit.
Appaling lack of cardiovascular conditioning
MY TAKE: No one is exactly sure what Grimace is."The Milkshake Guy" is not a proper answer.Is there a female version of Grimace?How do Grimaces have sex?Grimace also has no visible anus.He obviously eats.How does he poop?Why is he always naked?Even when around children?I think Grimace is fucked up in the head and probably angry about being backed up because he has no waste orifices.His opponent is in for a world of hurt.Speaking of which...
IN THE BLUE CORNER:
NAME:The Fruit Of The Loom Fig Leaf Guy
STRENGTHS:Mobility.The leaf costume is the least bulky and restrictive of all of the FOTL guys.
Righteous anger over having to wear the crappiest FOTL costume.
Heart and determination:wants to show that he can be as big as the Apple.WEAKNESSES: Leaves do not make good armor.
Prone to shaming tactics regarding costume.
Lack of experience in the spotlight.Doubtful anyone even cares about him.
MY TAKE:I've seen this guy listed as being the "fig leaf guy" and also as the "leaves and currants" guy.Either one is equally stupid.Couldn't they have used an orange or a banana?(Sometimes when I type banana I have to restrain myself from typing too many "na"s.Otherwise I'd be writing banananana.And that's just stupid.)I'm sure someone got fired over that one.Come on.Fig leaves?Does anyone even eat figs except in Newton form?They need to stop trying to be different and edgy and give people a fourth fruit they can recognize.
On a similar topic, why are there 2 grape guys?It's like the guy who came up with this was told to come up with four fruit mascots and was like"Apple.Grapes.Uhhhh...More Grapes.Uhhh....Crap.Four?Really?I don't know.Leaves?Is that a fruit?"I could do better than that.
WHO WINS?:Hell if I know.I'd pick the fig leaf guy because Grimace is pretty much useless unless he's eating or sucking up to Ronald.And how is he going to do any damage with those short little arms?I doubt he could reach to squeeze his nipples if he had any.Grimace's only hope is to fall on fig leaf guy or eat him.I just don't see another way.
2 comments:
Bah! Grimace would win! Think about it, his name is Grimace! Psychological warfare. He's a contender!
While I will admit that seeing a smiling, purple blob descending on you would be unnerving, it might just make fig leaf guy feel threatened and thus, more aggressive.My choice stands.
Also, fig leaf guy could just spill a shake on the ground.While Grimace is running over to lick it off the pavement...WHAMMO!!!
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